On November 18, 2011 I took a nap with everything being good in my life. When I woke up I had about twenty missed calls. I thought automatically this cannot be good. My best friend’s mother called and left messages for me to call her back. My best friend was pregnant and expecting her first child, a boy. Her baby shower was in two weeks, that I was finished planning, and the baby was due that following week. I thought that her mother was calling to tell me that she had the baby and I missed it. Her mom was the first person I called back even though I was still half sleep. When her mother got on the phone she said, “Ladyblue, she is in the hospital, and the baby died. They are going to induce labor so she can deliver him.” At first I thought she said that she had the baby, but the way she sounded made me sit up in the bed. Then I asked her to repeat what she said. When I heard those words, “The baby died” I thought I was going to die or lose my mind. I just cried and cried. My first thoughts were my best friend. What was going through her mind and how was she handling the news. I talked to her and we both just cried on the phone. I then told her that I will see her soon because I was going to go see her and stay with her for a while to be there for her. I got off the phone with her and started packing my things to go see her. Her mom asked me if I can call some of her other close friends to let them know. I called them crying the whole time. And then my tears turned into anger. Not at God or my best friend but towards her husband. For everything he has put her through while she was pregnant. After I calmed down my friends and family all told me please not to go down there and do anything out of anger, to just be there to support your best friend. I think they realized that I was so pissed and angry, that I might do something to her husband and end up and trouble.
I took the time to calm myself down and to prepare myself to be strong and to help her through this. I also had to prepare myself not to do anything out of anger to her husband because she still loves him and that would hurt her. When I got there I stayed with her the whole entire time, never leaving her like she has always done for me. The baby was born November 19, 2011. I have been through a lot in my life. I have sickle cell and I have almost died three times and was told that I wouldn’t make it to see my 25th birthday and I am now 26, but I never thought I would ever experience this. I have seen death and people who I loved dearly has died but this was so different. This was a baby that never had the chance to even take a breath. A baby that was innocent and lost his life for only God knows why. My best friend asks me all the time why do I think this happened, and I tell her I don’t know but I know it wasn’t to punish you. We might not know the reason for it right now but you will know eventually.
It was and still is hard to process this. I stayed with her a few days after she got out of the hospital. At first I was losing my mind with grief and anger. I had forgotten that I had Nickelback’s new album Here and Now on my iPod. I was listening to the whole album, because whenever I am sad, angry, or hurt I listen to Nickelback. There music has always made me feel better about anything and everything. When track six came up “Lullaby”, I started to cry. Because all I could thing about is my best friend and what she is thinking. Concern and panic started to sink inside of me. I started thinking will she hurt herself, or do something even worse because of this. I couldn’t imagine her doing that but when something like this happens it does cross peoples’ minds. By this time I had Lullaby on repeat, and I hear Chad say, “Please let me take you out of the darkness and into the light ‘cause I have faith in you you’re gonna make it through another night, stop thinking about the easy way out, there’s no need to go and blow the candle out, because you’re not done you’re far too young and the best has yet to come. So just give it one more try to a lullaby and turn this up on the radio, if you can hear me now I’m reaching out to let you know that you’re not alone, and if you can’t tell I’m scared as hell ‘cause I can’t get you on the telephone, so just close your eyes, well honey here comes a lullaby, your very own lullaby.” I smiled that night and it was the first time I smiled since finding out about the baby. I listen to that song whenever I think about the baby. I realized that night that my best friend will be ok, because of Lullaby. Over the next few weeks it just seemed like she was losing her grasp on life and everything else. Then she asked me how I was handling everything so much better than others and her, and I told her that I listen to Nickelback’s song Lullaby. I told her that it helped to realize that things are hard now and that it may seem like it will never get better, but as long as you have someone around you that loves you no matter what and is trying to get you into the light and out of darkness then you will be better. That day I went out and bought her the Here and Now album. She called me the next day and said thanks. Just like with me, Lullaby is helping her to never blow the candle out. She and I both are giving it one more try to a lullaby.
I want to say thank you so much to Nickelback. To Chad, Ryan, Daniel, and Mike you guys have no idea how much your music truly affect your fans. I have no idea how I or my best friend would have gotten through this without Lullaby. Your music has always helped me with everything in my life, from my illness to relationships and I am very grateful for you guys. Keep making records and I cannot wait to see you guys on tour. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.